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[TheFerrett]

The goal of the Open-Source Wish Project is to create perfectly-worded wishes, so that when the genie comes and grants us our wish we can get precisely what we want. The genie, of course, will attempt to interpret the wish in the most malicious way possible, using any loophole to turn our wish into a living hell. The Open-Source Wish Project hopes to use the collective wisdom of all humanity to create wishes with no loopholes whatsoever.

The Open-Source Wish Project was inspired by this comic on Home on the Strange.

This wish’s intent is that the user winds up with a lot of money. “Money” is different from “riches” in that “money” is a single object that can be used to buy anything that money can normally buy, whereas “riches” is a more loosely-defined term with a greater chance of backfiring.

Yes, you run the risk of getting screwed in places where the economy doesn’t run on money. Yes, there are things that money can’t buy. On the other hand, as others have discovered, trying to define “I get what I want when I want it” is open to a lot more malicious interpretations than mere cash.

And this is how what we would tell the genie to get it:

”I wish for the ability to invest in any stock, bond, mutual fund, or other commonly traded investment and legally earn 10,000% real APY on that investment that I would receive within thirty days of the investment, without generating notice or remark by any private or public institution or citizen, and without causing the collapse of the institution or institutions that allow said investment.”

1) If you think you have found a loophole (or "bug") in the current Wish wording that could backfire significantly, cut-and-copy the precise phrase you have issues with and post your suggested fix thusly:

BUGGED PHRASE:
…the erroneous part of the phrase.

POTENTIAL MISINTERPRETATION:
An explanation of how the phrase could be twisted to serve that genie's evil ends.

SUGGESTED FIX:
…the reworded phrase. Note that if you do not provide an alternative wording, you are merely wasting our time with nitpicking. Be a part of the solution!

2) If you think the current Wish wording is lacking something that could be disastrous, then post it thusly:

WORDING OMISSION:
…the suggested phrase you think should be in the wish.

POTENTIAL MISINTERPRETATION:
An explanation of how, without this added clause, our wish could come to ruin.

3) If you think the entire Wish wording is so hopelessly botched that you would need to wish for something else entirely to get what you'd actually want, post it this way:

BUGGED WISH WORDING:
Your new wording, rewritten from the ground up

REASON FOR NEW VERSION:
An explanation of why the foundations of the current Wish wording are so frotzed that it'd be better to start over, with a list of why your changes are better.

Periodically, all of the changes will be looked over by the moderators, and the most reasonable of the suggested changes will be incorporated into the official Wish text, at which point this thread will be closed and the new Wish version will be put open for discussion.

There are other Wish wordings for different goals, which you can see here. If you want to suggest a new Wish goal, go here. You may cut-and-copy the wish with attribution to its original source on Home on the Strange.

That said, let's wishulate!

[Ronfar]

Loophole #1: This wish requires that the person be able to invest a moderate amount of money in order to end up with a large amount of money. You have to have money to invest, and the evil genie might put a cap on the amount of money you can invest at this rate. Earning 10000% APY on $1.00 won't get you lots of money.

Loophole #2: You might gross 10,000% real API but lose it all to taxes, broker's fees, and other expenses.

Suggested fix:

”I wish for the ability to invest any financial resources that I posess in commonly traded investments (including, but not limited to, stocks, bonds, commodity futures, currencies, and mutual funds) and legally earn a net 10,000% real APY on the investments that I make (after taking into account the effects of taxes and any other expenses). I will be able to convert these investments into liquid assets, such as cash or a checking account balance, within thirty days of making the decision to do so. Furthermore, I can do all of this without generating notice or remark by any private or public institution or citizen, and without causing the collapse of the institution or institutions that allow said investments. Finally, this wish will not be granted in a way that reduces either the real value of financial resources I currently posess or my access to said resources.”
_________________
- Doug

[Aliza]

Ronfar, your wording can be satisfied with a one-time stock tip, which generates a one-time payoff.

How about knowing, every day, and being able to act on the knowledge, of which of the investments available to me will yield the greatest net financial profit over 1. one day; 2. 30 days; 3. one year. Then add in all the weasel clauses about not drawing undue attention, not being constrained from investing, not collapsing the economy, no other changes to my life, etc.

[samldanach]

If you're going to wish for magically performing stocks, why not simply wish for prescience?

"I wish to have total knowledge for one hour each day of what the value of every stock on the NYSE will be one year from that day."

Yes, it will require a bit of work on your part, and some seed money. And, you won't see the serious return for most of the first year.

But, assuming that you have a basic knowledge of how the stock market works, the ability/credit to get some seed money going, and some patience, you can't fail but make money over the long run.

Incidentally, the "one hour" clause is to prevent your mind from becoming filled with days and days of market results.

And, yes, if the NYSE collapses and goes out of existence, the wish becomes worthless. But, consider this. At least you'll have a year's warning that the NYSE is going away.

[AiYume]

Suggest replacing APY with "Annual Percentage Yield". While this abbreviation is appropriate in context, a genie wishing to substitute Auxiliary Police of Ypsilanti (Ypsilanti, Michigan) or whatever future acronyms might spring from other locations, businesses, or government agencies might do so.

[takeneasy]

mutual fund
tampa law firms
targeted marketing
targeted web site traffic
tascam
tavel
tax attorney
tax lawyer
tax program
tax software
tea gift basket
teacher certificate
teacher education programs
technical employment
technical school
technology in education
tee shirts
tektronix
teleconference services
teleconferencing companies
teleconferencing company
telephone service
_________________
borrow it.Delete is a good deal.

[Zaq]

Bugged Phrase:"and without causing the collapse of the institution or institutions that allow said investment.”

Reason: There's a lot more bad things that can happen than just collapse. Would you want to be benefitting off of a company which, because of your wish, needed to resort to sheer evil practices, habitually ruined the lives of its workers and/or ran sweatshops, yet continued to churn out money indefinitely?

Suggested Rewrite: "and without having any noticeable difference on the practices or outcomes of that institution or institutions compared to if I had chosen not to invest in them, with the sole difference of the additional money produced for me."

[Digix]

there is one more possibility;
you get zillion dollars but inflation undoes all gain so that all this money is worthless.

that happens in one Galaxy Angel episode when they win lottery but fail to stop the war.

[Ronfar]

[MJamesK]

BUGGED WISH WORDING:

I wish for the ability to conjure gold, in manageable sizes, at will, without generating notice or remark by any private or public institution or citizen.

REASON FOR NEW VERSION:

I looked at the old forum too and nobody has suggested the use of gold instead of money / stocks. I've been thinking about wish stuff a lot lately, before my friends referred me to this forum, and I reached the conclusion that gold was the best bet. By today's standards gold is much more reliable than money, and has been used as currency for a lot longer. The final clause is there of course so that you don't get arrested by the police fore stealing. It should be easy enough to make it look like you've found a large stockpile of gold in your backyard, or something.

I think the stock one that is currently proposed is bad for a number of reasons. Its a lot slower than a person using a WISH would want it to be, and is subject to the loopholes that people have already pointed out, in particular that it could be granted by a one-time stock tip!
_________________
"Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position. Such a heavy burden now to be the One
Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending, to write it down for all the world to see."

-Tool, Rosetta Stoned

[AcmeToaster]

Bugged Wish Wording:
I wish for a box. It's about the size of a cigarette case, thus fitting into the average pocket. It will never be stolen, lost, or draw undue attention. When I open the box, it will contain money in the exact amount, currency, and form that I desire, be it cash, precious metal, or plastic. In the case of plastic, the card will be for a legal debit account that contains exactly how much money is needed, and will close after the card is used. No questions will ever be raised about the account

Reason:
Not everyone has the time or energy to mess around stocks and APY and whathaveyou. Some people just prefer to have what they need in their pockets when they need it. Gold is a good idea, but not flexible enough, and taking it to a currency changer also takes time and effort.

[LotusMegami]

Wishing to not be responsible for one's own actions is going outside the boundaries of the wish for more money.

If you don't want to cause harm to others, then you must make choices that do not harm others. You can't make the genie responsible for everything. Also, not drawing any attention with these very unusual events is also beyond this particular wish.

I would go for prescience on the stock market. All the companies make the same profit they would have otherwise, so your wish isn't causing evil business practices or economic chaos.

[ziv]

[Milskidasith]

BUGGED PHRASE:
"and without causing the collapse of the institution or institutions that allow said investment.”


POTENTIAL MISINTERPRETATION:

First off, there is no guarantee you would not ruin the company, but not collapse it. Second off, that does not prevent you from, say, brutally weakening a bunch of US owned companies, and indirectly collapsing the US economy making your investments worthless if you didn't smartly convert them to another currency. Maybe it goes outside the parameters of "get money easily" but I feel that if you are going to bother caring about the direct side effects you should make sure the indirect side effects don't screw you over as well. Genies are tricky. Also, we should make sure we don't cause any positive effects, because that could be equally bad (especially with some of the "good stock" wordings, though those have their own problems with feedback loops if you don't throw in a pretty tight "my investments do not change any aspect of that or any other company I invest in or any currency I have's value, etc." clause.

SUGGESTED FIX:

"and without causing the collapse, bankruptcy, loss of value, failure of any branch, monetary gain, stock price increase (besides that stipulated by the original 10000% increase clause), gain or loss of market share, gain or loss of capital, gain, loss, or transfer of employees of the institution or institutions that allow said investment, along with any other positive, negative, or neutral side effect to those institutions or any other institutions my investments could potentially affect indirectly or directly, excluding positive, negative, or neutral effects that occur without any influence of my investments*.

*Include a clause somewhere that your "investments" are specified to be the ones you choose to earn the 10k% increase on, and not any purchases, which should affect the economy as normal.

I think I made that pretty airtight, but I'd like somebody to give it a thorough proofread to make sure I didn't make things even more screwy. We should get a staff of lawyers on this.