Drinking Games, Part 3

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The Script For Today's Comic!

PARTY, Part 9: More Drinking Games.

SCENE:
Melanie and Tanner are talking.

MELANIE: Where’s Izzy?

TANNER: She went out to buy some more drinks. This is one hell of a party.

MELANIE: Okay, well… Everyone’s playing these complicated drinking games, and I’ve never played anything except for checkers.

TANNER : Really?

MELANIE: I’m not a nerd. But this is one of my few nights away from my kids, and I wanna have fun.

MELANIE: Can’t we have something I can play?

TANNER: I don’t know any traditional drinking games. But lemme think….

(CUT TO: Izzy coming back into the room in a full-screen shot. There is a Settlers of Catan game on the table; Tanner is completely naked, Karla has all of her clothes on and looks confident, Melanie is down to her bra and happy.)

IZZY: Strip Settlers of Catan?

TANNER : Hey, it was that or Lunch Money for tequila shots.

MELANIE: But someone’s already got my vote for “Longest Road” ….

Ferrett Says

Before anyone asks: yes, both of these exist, and they both have the extreme Ferrett Seal of Approval. (The rampant trash-talking with LM alone is worth it, especially if you own the T-shirt, as I do.) If you haven’t experimented with these… You should. Right away.

However, unlike past strips, where we’ve at least roughly outlined the rules, I’ll leave the method of this drinking game as an exercise for the reader. (Though I’m positive that someone’s tried it. Let me know how it went. Some day I’ll tell you about my Candyland experiment with… Ah, that would be telling.)

In other news, Robert Jordan has passed on. This makes me feel strange, since the subject of at least two cheap pot-shots is now not here for me to kick around any more. I was a big fan of Jordan in the early days, back when Wheel of Time seemed like it was, you know, going somewhere. Then, as the pages piled up without any actual plot occurring, my experience soured. Eventually, my wife started reading Jordan and I literally yanked the book out of her hands, telling her to wait until it was all finished.

She thanked me this morning, incidentally.

I dunno what happened to Robert. Was he suckered into the money, endlessly extending his story for another NYT bestseller? (I doubt that, since the knowledge of your own mortality would make me want to wrap things up.) Did he just lose the thread of things, wandering like Lucas without a coherent ending but forced to try to forge his way to some sort of conclusion as we all watched in real time? (He said he left instructions for his family, but if Lucas has taught us anything, it’s that authors frequently have differing standards for “How it ends” than audiences do.) Did he just fall so in love with his ideas that he lost track of what was actually interesting?

I don’t know. I’ll acknowledge he’s a better writer than I am. There’s no question about that. But somewhere, to most of the folks I know, he caught lightning in a bottle and then watched it dissipate. We want to know how it ended because the beginning was so great that it’s carried us past several thousand pages of reasonably turgid prose… But if most of us had started reading at book #7 instead of book #1, I don’t think any of us would have been nearly as drawn in.

Nerds don’t like abandoning series. We’re loyal. But I think Jordan stretched the patience of many near the end, and now he’ll never have the chance to redeem himself – which I think he could have. I find that sad.

Wherever he is, though, I hope he’s happy. And in Heaven, I’m sure, the books come quickly and cleanly and are every bit as good as you imagined in your mind’s eye.

Roni Says:

Incidentally, if anyone does work out the rules to strip Settlers of Catan, please let us know. I love the game and it might make my husband more inclined to play with me. Then again, as he complains, I always win.

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