A Much-Needed Service
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The Script For Today's Comic!
A Much-Needed Service
(8 Panels, some large)
Panel 1 (a long panel):
(Scene opens on a conversation between four non-character nerds, none of whom are anyone we've known before [unless you want to recycle designs from a previous background person]. They are seated whatever you think it would be fun to draw. Three of them are engaged in a very animated conversation, while the fourth is obviously in watch-by mode, bored to fucking tears.)
NERD #1: "See, the best villain in Buffy mythology is clearly the Mayor…"
NERD #2 (the rest of these are a bunch of close-by balloons, grouped so tightly as to indicate that it's almost okay to skip 'em, but not quite): "Nonsense. The addition of Angelus is all about teenaged dating! And the way he kills the teacher?"
NERD #3: "What about Glory? That scene where she torments Spike?"
NERD #1: "I couldn't take Dawn and her whining that season, she just…."
TOM (Entering the panel from the far left, dressed like a salesman, or perhaps Matthew Lesko; he places a hand on the bored nerd to draw attention to him, but the nerd does not react): "Folks, have you ever been bored while your friends go on and on about some show you've never seen? Well, be bored no more!"
(Tom, standing next to a gigantic book – there's probably a visual gag to be had by altering the Cliffs notes in some way, and I say go for it)
TOM: " 'Cliffs Notes For Nerds' classes will provide you with the summaries you need to get through any annoying fandom!"
(Tom, standing before stacks and stacks of DVDs and books)
TOM: "See, nerds don't like normal shows and books – they like shows with ludicrously-complex plots that take hours to get into, let alone comprehend!"
Panel 4 (a long panel):
(A class, consisting of very well-dressed people — think the Learning Annex classes, where Wall Street Businessmen go after their day shift to learn something new and maybe date people. We shouldn't need to see more than a few of them. At the front of the class is a fat slobbery guy in a torn, coffee-stained shirt [that has the amusing phrase of your choice, and the blackboard has whatever else you like], acting out a scene.)
TOM: "Our staff of trained dweebs will reenact the vital parts from the show for you, saving you valuable days of DVD-watching!"
TEACHER (posing with a yardstick): "And then Gandalf says, 'You shall not pass!' and I nearly peed myself."
STUDENT (raising hand): "Is that obligatory?"
OTHER STUDENT (looking down at a sheet of paper in dismay): "It's our homework assignment."
(Two guys in a scientific lab, one with wires attached to him and a polygraph)
TOM: "We'll use Pavlovian techniques to teach you the show's in-jokes!"
NERD #4: " 'I am master of my demesne — ' "
(Scientist ZAPS him, pressing a button)
SCIENTIST: "That's domain! Try again!"
(Nerd, sitting with his friends, clutching a piece of paper.)
TOM: "We'll even give you a show cheat sheet!"
NERD #4 (reading): " 'I like the witty dialogue between G'kar and, um, Lando.' "
NERD #1 (thrilled): "YES! Andreas sells the role!"
NERD #2 (also thrilled): "The way they evolve!"
(Tom, standing next to Nerd #4)
NERD #4 (clutching a diploma): "I heartily endorse this event or product."
TOM: "See? Cliffs Notes for Nerds classes changed his life! Sign up today!"
"CLIFFS NOTES FOR NERDS CLASSES ARE AVAILABLE IN:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel
Harry Potter Slash Fiction
Lord of the Rings
Star Trek (any season except for Enterprise — we couldn't get through it, either)
Sword of Fire and Ice
OMG, new Sword of Fire and Ice!
The Wheel of Time
Ask about our summer-long 'Bare Bones of Anime' course!
* - Warning: Coherent explanations of the plots of these shows cannot be created. It's just weird stuff happens, people! Isn't that cool? Cause and effect is for sissies!"
(At the bottom, in small, sticking up):
NERD #4: "Do you have Terry Pratchett cla — ?"
KARLA (whapping him with a stick): "Those books, you should read!"