Animal Control, Part 1

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The Script For Today's Comic!

CRASH, Part 1

SCENE:
Tanner is driving along in his battered car, calling Izzy on his cell phone. This is gonna be a long strip, prolly six to eight panels, but it should be reasonably easy to draw at least.

TANNER (cheerful): Hey, sweetie – I was going to work, but did you want to meet for coffee afterwards?

IZZY (equally cheerful, and eager): And by “coffee,” I suppose you mean “drinks, watching Charlton Heston on my VCR, then wild sex on my couch.”

TANNER: Well, yeah.

(Back at her place – I picture her doing something maintenance-wise, like clipping her toenails, so her full attention isn’t on it. She’s not angry, merely curt, cutting off this potentially bad habit in the same way that she cuts a toenail.)

IZZY: Okay. But don’t call me “sweetie.”

TANNER: What am I supposed to call you?

IZZY: Izzy. That’s my name.

TANNER: No, I mean, as in, “Izzy is my…” You’re more than my friend.

IZZY: Less than a girlfriend, though.

TANNER: I know, I know. But “f**k buddy” seems so crude.

(Back to Tanner)

IZZY (genuinely baffled by this need, but playing along): Is it not enough to have satisfying lovemaking with a hot girl on demand? You need a name for what we are?

TANNER: Yeah. I can’t just introduce you as “a pal of mine.”

IZZY: Well, until the English language coughs up a name, you’re out of luck.

TANNER: Lemme see – how about…

TANNER: “Non-inflatable love doll”?

TANNER: “Voluntary bodily fluids receptacle?”

TANNER: “Cuddled, but not committed?”

(back at Izzy’s, since we need to see her reaction)

IZZY (grinning slyly, sort of aroused by his silly wordplay – it’s why she likes him): I am so going to hurt you for that.

TANNER (happy): Then I can call you “mistress”! Perfect!

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