Animal Control, Part 7

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The Script For Today's Comic!

CRASH, Part 8:

SCENE:
Izzy and Tanner are at the coffee shop. Tom is sitting, drinking coffee. Tanner is looking really punchy, still covered in possum blood and clearly exhausted, whereas Izzy is strangely concerned for him.

IZZY: Are you all right, sweetie?

TANNER: I think Iím just going to go home and go to bed.

TOM: Dude, what happened to you?

TANNER: TodayÖ was a really bad day.

TANNER: First, I got into an argument with Izzy, and almost lost whatever the hell it is we have. Then while I was arguing, I hit a possum and screwed up my engine somehow. Then a stripper licked me at the club.

TANNER (raising his finger, as if this is the one thing that made it all worthwhile, ramrod straight, seized with pride): But one good thing came out of this: I saved the damn possum. I brought it to the vet and put it in good hands. They didnít even charge me for it.

TANNER: So that makes today worthwhile.

(He stumbles off-screen.)

TOM (looking dazed): They probably just put it to sleep.

IZZY seizes him by the throat, seriously angry, ready to kill him:

IZZY: And if you ever tell him that, I will place your testicles in the espresso machine and brew you a hot, steaming cup full of all your potential children.

Ferrett Says

Okay, this is the official end of Animal Control, so itís time to make the embarrassing revelation: This actually happened to me.

No, I wasnít in the middle of an argument when I hit the possum Ė I didnít even have a cell phone back then - but I was on my way to a late-night shift at Ben and Jerryís, and I did wrap the possum in my favorite jacket ever, and I did work the shift covered in possum blood, and it did not occur to me until many years later what truly happened until a friend pointed it out to me, as Tom does here.

The main difference, of course, was that the jacket that I was enamored with was an acid-washed denim trenchcoat, which I assure you was all the rage with the young ladies back in Connecticut in the late 1980s. Trust me. They ate that up.

The rest of the weekís strips will be devoted to Tannerís strange sort of mourning. Only some of you will understand, but those of you who do will understand it keenly. And thatís all I have to say on that.

Roni Says:

BREAKING NEWS: Due to a scheduling problem, I will not be at DEXON 9 this week. I'm a bit disappointed, but it is probably for the best, as getting the hang of the tablet (and a bit of WoW) has been nibbling at the backlog.

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