Lest No One Speak My Name

Sponsored by John Cochrane

To Anna Cochrane, my wife, for everything she does for me and our family.

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The Script For Today's Comic!

Lest No One Speak My Name
(8 panels)

Panel 1:
(Still in the computer room from last time. Tom is still irritated.)

TOM: "So if you don't think your readers are particularly bright, why are you posting cutie shots of yourself to attract sex-crazed teenagers?"

KARLA: "For the power."

TOM: "What?"

Panel 2:
(Shot of the little LJ "user" logo, repeated across the panel, perhaps with names underneath.)

KARLA: "Well, you see, I don't think of them as 'friends.' They're more like my personal slave pool."

Panel 3:
(Each of the little LJ "user" logos has transformed into a slobbering guy or an unattractive bisexual woman, each of them thoroughly white trash, nerdy, or creepy old.)

KARLA: "You see, if I give them enough pictures, they begin to think that they are my close friends… The fools! And thus I can use them."

Panel 4:
(A person at a keyboard is tearing at her hair as a swarm of tiny people from the previous panel come streaming out of her screen and fly about her face like gnats or bats.)

KARLA: "Right now, I can just aim my fans at people who piss me off, sending them to post incoherent insults at my command. A word, and seventy people will head over to anyone who annoys me, bombarding them with emails."

Panel 5:
(Overhead shot of the capital, the streets swarming with zombie-like LJ Karla followers, tearing the guns out of the guards, turning over cars, and generally causing chaos.)

KARLA: "But with enough cleavage shots, my followers will grow. Eventually, I will have a battalion of worshippers at my feet, doing my bidding, and I will stage my takeover of the government!"

Panel 6:
(Karla, back in the room, throwing her head back and laughing maniacally at Tom as Tom backs away.)


Panel 7:
(Karla quietly returns to her computer, leaving Tom to stare at her in mild panic.)

Panel 8:
TOM: "I fear you."

KARLA (cheerfully): "Keep it to yourself, or the Army of Karla will erase you from living memory."

Ferrett Says

The faithful here should note that we’ve had a shirt available for the past three weeks, but no context to put it in. The finality of that context has arrived today – and now you can purchase a T-shirt to show off your aspirations of world conquest!

The comic today is noteworthy for two reasons:

1) In my notes for the Battlestar Galactica strip, I said that it was a really bad idea to have Roni draw an army. Note that the Roni Draws an Army count is now up to two. And she’ll draw more.

This week.

2) If I were a really sleazy Web comic author who was whoring for PR, I might do something silly to try to attract LiveJournal’s attention – like, say, picking the bloggers I thought had a really good connection with their audiences in a blatant attempt to get them to mention the strip. Fortunately, I would never ever do such a thing.

And if I did do such a thing, I wouldn’t be kicking myself that I forgot to put in the lovely Cleolinda, who has a bigger audience than the other people combined and is link-happy. Because God forbid I should be both desperate and stupid.

That said, I was AFK over the weekend, so I didn’t tell you the funny thing about the last comic – mainly, that all of the comments that Karla received were actual comments, snipped and stolen from a “hot chicks” LiveJournal community. They may not have been drooling over Karla specifically, but they were ogling a busty redhead. Witness the charm.

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