A Spectrum Of Difficulties
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The Script For Today's Comic!
A SPECTRUM OF DIFFICULTIES
Tom and Karla are at a frilly girlie feminine shop, the kind that sells not only dresses, but little pillows with a mysterious substance called “cachet” with them. She is holding up two dresses, mostly identical, but of slightly different shades of blue. Tom is holding an artists’ portfolio, but casually.
KARLA: Which dress do you like better, Tom – the periwinkle or the powder blue?
TOM (reaching into the portfolio): Hang on, let me get my presentation.
KARLA (disbelieving): Your presentation?
TOM: Yes. You haven’t listened to me for the last six years, so I figured I’d try something new.
Tom holds up a posterboard, upon which is drawn – in an inexpert hand – two eye diagrams. One is very complicated (even as it’s poorly done) and has “WOMAN EYE” above it, whereas the other one is little more than a circle with maybe a beer can in the middle. It is up to you whether people are staring at Tom, though that would of course be funnier. Feel free to change the diagram in any way to accentuate Tom’s point, but three other posterboards are underneath this one.
TOM (getting the show into place): Okay. Now, see, as I’ve told you before, women’s eyes see in different spectrums than men’s eyes. Men can only see primary and secondary colors. Women, on the other hand, can distinguish whole shades that men literally cannot perceive.
TOM (holding up two posterboards, one in each hand): See, a woman sees this:
(The posterboard on the left, which says, WOMAN COLORS, has seven shades of red: Red, Carmine, Maroon, Cardinal, Burgundy, Vermilion, Scarlet. Feel free to change the shades around if you like, but each shade is exactly as stated.)
TOM: Whereas a man sees this:
(The posterboard on the right has the exact same color labels, but each color is the same shade of a bright primary red.)
Tom holds up a new posterboard that shows Karla, yes, holding up two dresses, each the exact shade of pink (or whatever shade would look good on her), totally identical. “Which dress is better, Tom?” Karla is saying in a crudely-written word balloon, and Tom has question marks above his head
TOM: Thus, when you ask me about those dresses, this is what I see.
Tom is now back at the coffee shop, sipping a cappuccino with Tanner.
TANNER: So how’d your presentation go?
TOM: As it turns out, when you tell a woman that you can’t see the same colors she does, she hears “I hate shopping with you.”
TANNER: So it’s a win-win situation, then.
TOM (drinking his cappuccino in peace): Yep.